Whom Do I Fear?

I have been blessed with the ability to work anywhere as long as I have my laptop and a phone. A printer and a fax helps as well but not always necessary.

Earlier this week, I sat at my dining room table staring at my inbox, three consecutive emails came through that would deliver the news that the three of my files that I have been working on were no longer viable deals which would result in no income for my family for the following month. As each email hit and I opened, the anxiousness and fear began to well up in the pit of my stomach. I could feel the fear moving its way up inch by inch up from my stomach into my throat. I felt the need to throw up, but I didn't. As quickly as I received those emails I received another email from a fellow Christian blogger who just posted a blog on "Fear." I couldn't open the blog post fast enough. Thinking to myself, "I need this right now, Help me Lord! Because I'm beginning to spiral into the pit of fear and worry!"

As I began to read the blog, I grabbed my Bible and look up the Scripture references given.

I opened up to Mark 4: 35 - 41........

"On that day, when evening came, He said to them, 'Let us go over to the other

side.' Leaving the crowd, they took Him along with them in the boat, just as He was;

and other boats were with Him. And there arose a fierce gale of wind,

and the waves were

breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up. Jesus

Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him,

'Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?'

And He got up and rebuked the wind

and said to the sea, 'Hush, be still.' And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. And He said to them, 'Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?' They

became very much afraid and said to one another,

'Who then is this, that even the wind

and the sea obey Him?"

Romans 15:4 says,

"For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."

I was transposed into the pages of my Bible and God showed me that I was just like the disciples. I was fearful as the waves of the storm were coming over the sides of the boat. I began to fear the threats of this world. I'm not alone! Jesus is with me in the boat, why do I fear? I fear because He's not doing anything to stop the waves from crushing down on me! Why Lord are you doing this? My inner voice is screaming this as my mouth keeps silent. To perfect your faith. Trust me Jesus is saying. But I trust in my flesh, but He wants me to trust in Him. Not when I want the storm to stop but when He is ready to stop the storm from crashing onto me. The Creator who has the ability to calm the sea is in the boat with me and I am fearful of what mere man can do to me?

Matthew 10:28

"Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."

Romans 8: 35

"Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

v.37-39 "But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I've been reading, studying and leading a group of ladies through the book, "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges. My boat is being rocked and in the danger of possibly being tipped over but I will not fear because I am HIS and HE is MINE. I will not fear because nothing can separate me from my SAVIOR, LORD JESUS. I will not fear man but I will fear GOD. And whatever storm that comes is to build my FAITH in HIM not in my flesh...and it will prepare me for the day when my FAITH will become SIGHT and I will be made COMPLETE. Thank you JESUS!

In the Desert.....

What does your desert look like? I think our deserts may look different but I have a feeling that our deserts are quite the same.

I've often thought about Moses and how he spent 40 years in the desert in Midian before the Lord called him to his ministry of leading the Israelites out of Egypt.

Moses lived in Pharaoh's digs for 40 years. He lived in the lap of luxury for his first forty years of life. He was at the top of his game. Was it enough for him? Acts 7:23 tells us, "But when he was approaching the age of forty it entered his mind to visit his brethren the sons of Israel." Was he curious how life was on the other side? Did they know or have something that he was missing as a prince of Egypt? His excursion lead to the death of an Egyptian by his own hands. (Exodus 2:15) He tasted injustice in the life of an Israelite and intervened. He had a heart even than for his people. He yearned for justice but it ended in a way that wasn't in his plan.....so he ran. He ran into the desert and fled from his life that he knew. Escaping the consequences of his actions. He was able to start anew. His life looked and felt very different from what he knew to be true in Egypt. His fresh start on life was at the bottom of the totem pole as a shepherd in the desert. Not a shepherd of his own flock but even a notch lower working as a shepherd watching someone elses flock.

I don't know first hand what its like to be a shepherd in the desert outside of Egypt but I can imagine what it might of been....long hot days and frigid cold nights alone. Watching, waiting, on guard for predators, decision making that effects your flock.....but the loudest and prominent occurrences is the long periods of time of silence on the outside but how you hear your thoughts arguing with your heart in the inside.

We all experience time in the desert. Whether you like to admit it or not. Like I said before, all our deserts may look different but I think they all are the same. It's what we do and think about when we're in the desert that determines how we come out. What do you feed yourself when you're in the desert? Do you feed yourself TRUTH or do you feed yourself the lies of your thoughts and regrets? The times in the desert are barren and no where else to run but to dig deep into your heart and see what is there. You figure out that you have nothing and nothing to give but yourself which is your soul. You can look back and remember the high life and live the life of regret or you can look around and see how God carried you there to the desert to meet Him. His glory is there in the desert. Do you see it?

Jeremiah 17: 5-10

"Thus says the Lord,

Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind

And makes flesh his strength,

And whose heart turns away from the Lord.

For he will be like a bush in the desert

And will not see when prosperity comes,

But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness,

A land of salt without inhabitant.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord

And whose trust is the Lord.

For he will be like a tree planted by the water,

That extends its roots by a stream

And will not fear when the heat comes,

But its leaves will be green,

And it will not be anxious in a year of drought

Nor cease to yield fruit."

Numbers 12: 3 tells us that "Moses was very humble , more than any man who was on the face of the earth." Living in the desert for forty years, I can imagine being there can do that to you, but only if you feed yourself the TRUTH. It was in the desolate desert that God was able to get Mose's to be quiet and still. He was able reveal to him his idols and bring him to the depths of his heart and humble him so that Moses could see His glory.

I think of our brother Job. After all he went through and wrestled with, it wasn't till God responded and told him who He truly was. At that point, Job was able to say, "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You; there I retract, And I repent in dust and ashes (Job 42:5-6)." After forty years in the desert Moses came out the most humble man on earth. He was able to see God's glory and live, but most of all he was used by His King for HIS GLORY and HIS GLORY alone.

I don't know about you....BUT I don't want to be the bush in the desert that lives in stony waste. I don't want to miss out on seeing HIS GLORY when its before me. I want to be the tree that is green and yields fruit even in the year of drought. To be that tree I need to TRUST when I am sitting in the desert because and realize that God brought me there to rid me of the idols that I held so dear so through the time of drought I can rid the idols from my heart so that I can see HIS GLORY instead.

What do you see in the desert of your life and heart? Are you the tree or the bush?

Undefiled Religion

I am mother of three boys. If you count my husband that's four boys. I'm smiling. Are you smiling? My boys have asked for a little sister throughout the years. As they grow older or should I say...as my husband and I grow older they're asking for a little sister via adoption. Our friends have adopted a little girl from Haiti after the devastating earthquake that occurred there. Since than the boys have beg for us to do the same.

My friend Shanley left for Bombo, Africa on a mission type of trip to help Align Ministries with their blog, website and social media. Their desire was to bring the local needs of the people of Bombo to the world via the Internet and social media so that the people of Bombo, Africa who are in need may be sponsored by others. Shanley has gone to Africa before and had an idea of what to expect when she arrived but her expectations didn't come close to the reality of what is truly going on in Bombo, Africa.

My only way of communicating with Shanley were her daily posts to Facebook. Earlier in the week I woke up to a post of hers basically saying that she was discouraged because she met an eleven year old little girl who suffers with AIDS. Both of her parents have died with AIDS and she is being raised by her grandmother. She travels an hour each way by foot to go to school where they beat her for poor grades and/or lack of payment for her schooling. She has to travel 3 hours by foot each way to pick up her medication for her AIDS. She has sores all over her skin from the disease. Without hesitation I responded that I would sponsor her. All my boys are without disease. I can't imagine this little girl suffering with a disease that had nothing to do with her but yet she is called to suffer with it.
Shanley was brought to tears on how quickly someone responded to sponsor this little girl. I quickly had questions too. Can I get a picture of her? Can we write letters to her? I want her to know that she's not alone and that someone does care. Not just me but Jesus cares! I was told that I cannot communicate with her. They want the locals to know that their needs are being provided by the local church in Bombo not by some American. I will be sponsoring her through Align Ministries.
One of Shanley's observations of being in Bombo is that the believer's faith is so basic. "Childlike" would be an appropriate word for it. They believe in the simple terms of faith. They just BELIEVE.

Matthew 18: 1- 5

"At the time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who than is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, "Truly I say to you unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. "Whoever than humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;"

Whether you are a believer or not, what hill are you willing to die on to make your point OR why you believe or more importantly why don't you believe? God calls you to "humble" yourself. What does that mean to humble yourself? Definition of humble - "to lower your pride or arrogance; to reduce your self sufficiently of; to make meek and submissive." Being stripped of everything you hold dear will make you experience humility quickly. Humility in any form will teach you what you hold close or better yet what you TRUST. What have you lost that you will fight with all your might to win it back? When events or situations in your life aren't going the way you thought or liked, what are you most upset about? That is where you will find your first love, what you trust and what you hope in. Who or what is it? Do you know? Why do we complicate life with all our STUFF? If you were in Bombo, Africa living in a hut with no food and riddled with sores all over your body with a disease given to you by your parents who are no longer are with you....what would you hold dear? Would you be able to say, "I love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength?" They do. What do they have that we don't? An undefiled religion? They have nothing to give BUT their soul. What will it take for us to give up our idols and just humble ourselves to BELIEVE with "childlike" faith?
The next day I received a picture of Safina. She is so beautiful. We will more than likely never meet or know each other. Her picture will be in my home like there are of my boys. I will provide her with support but also my love & prayers. All she knows is that the church is providing for her....BUT I know she's the little girl God gave me to take care for. My daughter ...SAFINA.

I AM A SLAVE

It was like any other weekday morning, we all loaded up into car and I headed off to drop my three boys off at school. I don't know if they ever remembered a time when we didn't listen to one of my favorite pastors on the radio as we drove to school each morning. They just always knew that the radio dial was off limits in the morning.

As we all climbed in at 8am and backed out of the driveway we found out the topic of the series of the week, "Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage." This morning sermon began in the book of Hosea. Hosea wasn't an Old Testament book that I knew very much about nor did I ever really hear anyone preach out of this Old Testament book. It instantly captured my interested to hear about Hosea and how this related to marriage, divorce & remarriage.

Hosea was a prophet. Hosea's ministry was from 755 - 710 B.C. His career spanned the last 6 kings of Israel. God called Hosea to marry Gomer.

"When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, 'Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry;.....So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. And the Lord said to him, "Name him Jezreel;

(Hosea 1: 2-4)

Then she conceived again and gave birth to a daughter. And the Lord said to him, Name Her Lo-ruhamah, for I will no longer have compassion on the house of Israel, that I would ever forgive them. But I will have compassion on the house of Judah and deliver them by the Lord their God, and will not deliver them by bow, sword, battle, horses or horsemen." When she weaned Lo-ruhamah, she conceived and gave birth to a son. And the Lord said, 'Name him Loammi, for you are not my people and I am not your God." (Hosea 1:6-9)

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. God had called this prophet to marry a woman who God knew and foretold possibly to Hosea that she would be an adulteress and not be faithful to him. In either case, Hosea obeyed his God unselfishly without complaint knowing the outcome that awaited him. Gomer left her husband and family and pursued her desires and idols that ruled her heart. She pursued what she believed would satisfy her. We don't know how Gomer got to to this point in detail but I am sure of this, in the beginnings of her pursuits I am sure she never thought she'd end up at a slave auction.

God calls Hosea to pursue his estranged wife and buy her back for 15 shekels of silver and 1 1/2 homers of barley. The total may have equaled 30 pieces of silver which what was the price paid for a common slave.

I thought about several people who I wish could hear this message about forgiveness to repair their marriages. I thought about a couple of ladies I knew at church who were struggling with husband who had committed adultery. I thought of a good friend who left her husband and children to live out her desires ....if only her husband could love her like Hosea did and forgive her and take her back.

I dropped the boys off and said my goodbyes. As I drove back home and I began to process what I was hearing. It hit me and it hit me hard. I made a sharp right turn and it came to me as if someone had just flipped a switch and a light turned on!

This story wasn't only about marriage, remarriage and divorce or was it also about how God loved and pursued an idolatrous Israel....this was about ME! Yes! It's about me and what Christ did for ME! It all makes sense now.....

Before I was a Christian I was a slave....a slave to my sin and my desires. I was just like the adulterous Israel and Gomer,pursing the idols of my heart. When I came to my end with nothing to bring or offer, Christ bought me back. He didn't buy me with silver shekels. Christ bought me back with His blood. He sacrificed His life for ME! He obeyed God to the point of death for His beloved, because of His love for ME! God gave us the beautiful picture of unconditional love of Hosea to Gomer....sacrificial and selfless .... to point us the the ultimate selfless love & sacrifice of His son, Jesus.

"But thanks be to God that though you were slaves to sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness."

Romans 7: 17-18

"For when you were slaves to sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. Therefore what benefit were you then deriving from the things of which you are now ashamed. For the outcome of those things is death. But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 7:20-23

I cannot look at this portrait without thinking of Gomer. What was she thinking when she stood there being sold as a slave. Her pursuits and desires lead her to this place. Gomer believed the lie that we all believed when we allowed the lies of this world to skew our vision of the truth. When we believe fulfilling our fleshly desires will satisfy us but we wake up continually empty. When we think this place, person or thing will fulfill us ....I just want to try one more time.

I was created for my Groom and He and only He is the only one that can satisfy my soul.

Relationships - Live With Them or Without Them?

There is a saying, "Can't live with them and you can't live without them." Men & Women can say this about each other can't they? In reality, we can easily say that about all relationships. As I walk in faith God is continually showing me the idols of my heart.
I am an only child and from a young age relationship/friendships have always been very important to me. I vividly remember as a young girl that I would put friends first before anything else in my life.
When relationships are good and enjoyable we can say, "can't live without them!" But when they are not going so good is when we say, "can't live with them!" I began reading Paul David Tripp's book, "Relationship - A Mess Worth Making", several weeks ago when I could easily say that I could live with them. As I began reading God was faithful to stir my pot of life and my relationships to show me where my relationships were in the priority list of life. I'm pretty sure we can all say that in all our relationships we will have some degree of disappointments. Tripp writes, " It is clear to you that no relationship ever delivers what you dreamt it could. Your fantasy collides with reality, and reality bites!" Tripp takes the old cliche' and says it this way, "Some of our deepest and most painful hurts have been in relationships. There are times when we wish we could live alone and other times when we are glad we don't."

What I am learning is that I put too much stock in my earthly relationships to dictate my daily emotions or temperature of my attitude. Tripp says, "in the messiness of relationships is that our hearts are revealed, our weaknesses are exposed, and we start coming to the end of ourselves. Only when this happens do we reach out for the help God alone can provide. Weak and needy people finding their hope in Christ's grace are what mark a mature relationship." Tripp continues with, "the very thing we would naturally seek to avoid is what God has chosen to use to make us more like HIM."

This is the part of the book that hit me to the core....

"Each of us is tempted to make relationships the end rather than the means. The primary relationship Adam and Eve were intended to enjoy was their relationship with God. This vertical communion with God would provide the foundation for the horizontal community they were to have with each other. Everything God made pointed Adam and Eve to the primacy of their relationship with Him. All of creation was to function as an arrow pointing to God. But in our sin we tend to treat people and creation as more important. The very things God created to reveal His glory become instead the glory we desire. This is where we see, with C.S. Lewis, that our desires are too weak, not too strong. We settle for the relationships when they were meant to point us to the perfect relational satisfaction found only with God. The irony is that when we reverse the order and elevate creation above Creator, we destroy the relationships God intended - and would have enabled - us to enjoy."

A few years back I renewed my purpose and told God that He was enough. Since than He has been faithful and merciful with me to use the circumstances in my life to show me and purify me so that I can truthfully and honestly say with a pure heart say, "Lord you are enough!"

I know the Psalmist who wrote Psalm 73 knew exactly what I meant and felt...

Psalm 73: 25-26

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Are your relationships there to serve you? Or to serve HIM? May we all be able to say like the Psalmist, "besides GOD, I desire nothing on earth."